Dreams really do come true. Keep dreaming!
I have beautiful eyeballs. Okay, I’m almost as surprised by that sentence as you are. But, it’s true. Or at least that’s what the lab technician at the eye doctor told me yesterday. When I started giggling, she said, “I’m serious. They ARE beautiful and I see A LOT of eyes.” I think she meant eyeballs.
It reminded me of my dentist from 30+ years ago who told me I had a nice bite. Since I spent a ridiculous amount of my childhood in a dentist chair receiving far too many fillings and far too few compliments, I’ll take any dentist compliment I can get.
Another time I had a foot doctor tell me I had lovely feet… words I still savor.
And although these comments may not be the most amazing words or compliments ever uttered by a doctor; I’m kind of relishing the fact that I have beautiful eyeballs…and a nice bite (or at least I did 30+ years ago)…and lovely feet.
Now, you may be thinking this is the strangest or most random post I have written thus far. I’d have to agree. You’d never guess that over the past few weeks, I’ve written dozens of other blog posts and stories, all in various stages of readiness. Only for some reason, lots of reasons actually, I’ve been a little stuck in finalizing any of them or in choosing one I wanted to share.
It might seem like all I needed to do was land the plane, right? Instead, it’s been more like I’ve been low on fuel, circling the airport for days, with no visible runway in sight. That is until today.
Do you ever wish you could press the pause button on life? Now I don’t mean anything drastic. I also don’t mean the kind of pause button that is the result of something bad happening, like getting sick or experiencing some natural or physical disaster that gives you no choice, but to truly pause. I’m thinking more like the pause of sitting with someone special on a porch swing barefoot, while sipping a glass of freshly squeezed lemonade, savoring a warm and breezy summer afternoon or evening with NO BUGS. Or maybe the gift of a precious day all wrapped up in a soft blanket on the couch with a fabulous book and the sound of raindrops hitting the roof. Or how about the simple joy of a spic and span house with nothing on the calendar or in the laundry pile and something wonderful to eat close by…dark chocolate and a glass of wine, perhaps. I’ve been yearning to pause for soak up, savoring time with the persons I hold dear and long to hold near… who are just too far away.
I always feel abundantly blessed with my amazingly full life every single day, and compared to so many others in the world, I know I live somewhat of a charmed life. That said everyone has heartache and struggles and crosses to bear. I’m no different. It’s part of the human experience. I want to be fully present to my life. I don’t want to miss one single opportunity, one single lesson I need to learn, or one single moment of my human experience. I’m pretty sure that’s one of the reasons I have trouble saying no sometimes, or why I overbook myself to the point of ridiculousness.
I know I’m not alone. It spite of all our modern conveniences and jaw-dropping technology, it feels like we all live in a state of busyness. And lately my busyness has taken on record proportions, or at least it feels like that. I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed and somewhat frazzled and in a bit of a funk. It’s even been impacting my sleep and overflowing into my dreams of late…crazy, metaphor-filled, “I hear you, God” dreams.
I also recently lost someone whom I’ve loved and cherished since I first met her in 1975 – my Aunt Sally. She died May 14, two days before she would turn 90. She was my mom’s baby sister and last surviving sibling. She has been a link to my mom (for my siblings and me) all these years, and in a way her passing has felt like losing the final piece of Mom. I was preparing for the day when I could no longer chat with her over the phone or send her cards across the vast ocean; only I don’t think you can ever fully prepare yourself for a final goodbye.
So while my Moleskine and gratitude journals have been overflowing with my words, documenting the ebb and flow of my life, I’ve been feeling buried under what can no longer just be called a to-do list. It’s more like a catalog, or at least it’s the weight of one. Besides all the daily and weekly and monthly to-do’s (you have them too), there are always more things pulling at me, tugging, countless things, like:
• Summer yard work
• My full time job
• Missing my daughter and loved ones
• Correspondence I need to send out
• Places I want to go
• People I want to see
• My finances
• My weight
• Dreams I want to realize
It seems whenever I start reflecting or feeling overwhelmed, I take a giant microscope to my life and start noticing everything…every little detail. I ponder my choices, my good intentions, making a difference in the world, my purpose for being here, my legacy, everything.
Then there’s my book. I need and want to be promoting it. I need to be keeping up with Twitter, my Facebook page, and this blog. I do my best. It all takes time.
And almost every week, I get asked the same question, ‘When’s your next book coming out?’
When indeed? I struggle with the answer. Usually I say I’m working on it. But more accurately, it’s on my to-do list.
Looks like I have another plane to land.
Until then – PEACE and HAPPY LANDINGS!